Dreams

My cowboy boots take me many places, but inevitably they always take me to my bed to rest. They have good intentions, they really do, but I don't rest. I am plagued with dreams. Good dreams, bad dreams, scary dreams and sometimes sad dreams. The constant is that they are so vivid and I am so involved that I do not rest at night. This is not a new occurrence, my sleep has always been like this. The only instance that I do not dream, and dream vividly, is when I physically work and go all day long until I am completely worn out. I think this is the reason for my love of cutting and splitting wood. Nothing puts me to actual sleep like an entire day of splitting wood.

My dreams have varying levels of intensity, but what bothers me the most about them, the part that really unsettles me, are my emotions. In my dreams I feel emotions so strongly, they can leave me with an ache in my chest when I wake. It is disturbing to feel certain emotions so keenly. The worst is when I have feelings in my dreams for people in my life that I don't have those feelings for. It can unsettle and unnerve me in a way that leaves me dissecting situations that I should have never thought about, that I would never have, if not for my semiconscious mind.

I say semiconscious because I wake at the drop of a pin. I can be deep into a dream in a matter of seconds and out of it instantly. I don't think that this is normal. I thought that it took time to get to REM sleep, which is where a person would have dreams, I think. I'm not sure on those facts, but that is my understanding. So, the fact that I can got to sleep have an entire scenario in my mind and wake in under five minutes fascinates me. It is the content of these scenarios that frightens me.

As a mater of fact, I just realized that the content of my dreams is never happy. Often they are sad and terrifying, but even the better dreams are nuteral at best. Almost a bitter sweet, maybe my mind realizes the unreality of the situation. I would really love to be an experimant for someone who studies dreams. I think that they could have fun with me.