Thus far today my cowboy boots have taken me nowhere. I am still home and trying to come up with an idea to write about. As it turns out, I didn't have to think long and it hit me. I am very aware of my self esteem issues, but I don't think that they have a part in this. I feel confident in what I do in the area of graphic design for the most part, but then I see a design by another, read an article by a writer, a book by a talented author, and my confidence fails me. I feel that I will never be good enough in any endevor to feel completely confident.
I feel confident in the things that I create and then I see a graphic design student's work and I feel that I will never create something that awesome. I want to be an author, it is my deeply hidden want in life. Something that I know that I will always want, but that will probably never happen. I am an avid reader and when I read a Kresley Cole novel, I know that I will never have that talent, to create a world and pull a reader in, emersing them in the story.
It is the same in all that I do. When I rode horses, I was confident that I could get that animal to do anything, but then one of the other riders at the stable would make me doubt. I often think that maybe even Kresley Cole has doubts about her writing and the designers for Cosmo get stumped and feel inadequate, but their success is so great. It should bring me hope to feel that people with great talent can have doubts and still make success out of their talent, but I think that it may only make me doubt my talent, or maybe I'm just in a melancholy mood.
