Best Time

Today my cowboy boots took me to Ritchie County. Much occurred, then I came home. I find myself coming up with many good ideas to discuss and being able to formulate ideas in my head while driving recently. Tonight, I began thinking of a time long ago, the best time of my life.
I realize that most people are still looking for the best time of their lives, and some have that special trip or day that was their best time. My was not a trip, or a day, it was a period in my life. When I was young, during the summer evenings, the youth of our area all gathered in our back field. We would sit, start a small fire and talk and then we would play capture the flag and tag and such games. It was just a bunch of kids in the woods running around chasing each other, but I will never forget they way those nights felt.
It was freedom and it was scary and it was wonderfully empowering. It was just a few months for a few years of summer evenings, but that was the best time of my life. When I am out alone in the dark. When the summer evenings get that thickness to the air. When I feel dew as the sun sets. I remember those nights and the inspiration that they instill in me.
I think to ask my friends now if they would all gather in a field and we could run and chase each other about. Would it be the same? Could we bring back the feelings of freedom? Or is that a thing of my past, of my youth? Most likely they would find it a ridiculous notion as I myself do now that I am out of my dark car alone on the interstate musing.
With the identification of my best time however, I am left to wonder on what to look forward to. i must believe that there is something else in life that will instill such feelings of freedom and empowerment in me, but that is only speculation, but a speculation that I will explore to the fullest. After all, in the search for the best thing to top the best thing, I will uncover many next to best things and in the present tense that may be better than my memories of those summers.

Waiting to die

Of latte, my cowboy boots have taken me through life with no purpose. I go to school and work. I do homework. I spend time with Seth (The only happiness I have lately). I do all that I am supposed to because of others. Why must others set standards for us? I want no expectations. It is why I flee. There have been many times lately that I have almost run. It is how I lived my life when I was younger. If I felt like there were expectations, bad blood, or just an odd feeling, I run. It has been many years since I have run to an extreme point, but my life of late makes me want to.
I go to classes that I feel waste my time. I do not want to waste my life and mind learning things that I do not care about, taking classes for a college degree that has nothing to do with what I want. I am tired of hearing others opinions in a class that have nothing to do with that class, they just speak to hear their own opinion. I want to go to that class and learn what I am supposed to and leave because I do not even want to be there to begin with.
During class just the other day, I almost ran. Once I do it once, all will be over, I will not return, I know me well enough to know that. You see, even though I want to, I am letting others influence me against an action, even when that is the reason for the action.
I feel as if all I am doing with my life is waiting to die. Not living. Waiting. Dreading each next day until the weekend when there is some reprieve, but not enough. I realize how fast that time goes, and then I am dreading again. Waiting.
This is my life of late, and I am so sad because of it.